Never hard enough to do something but to forgive and to decide. ( I wish i find a school for this..it’ll may called ” Making Decision Art School” ::silly smile::). One of my ‘invisible’ friend on YM just got this ‘disease’… He’s a Spanish lawyer who studies post degree bachelor in Holland and formerly stayed in London. This May he’ll end his study then he must decide whether he left Holland for England (hey, it’s rhymed =p) or he just stay in Holland. Hummm…He’s an intellectual …but let’s back again to the first line, when it comes to ‘deciding something’, intellectual or non will meet same thing : CONFUSION .
At the end of my hi school time i must decide something, but since i haven’t experienced many ‘grown-ups’ a.k.a ‘real’ problems in life , i wasn’t felt that confused . First of all, i don’t like state-owned university/schools so i never apply to any of it ( Somehow, i just smell racism or discrimination, and in my opinion most of state university were accredited ‘A’ or ‘B’ not by making people/students smart, they just take the smart ones ). Second of all, I also like psychology but entering private university (Atma Jaya was a choice ) is not good for my parent’s and my pocket. Third of all, I was never ever picture my self as a worker in an office. Last, I would have gone to art institute if there is one like Cornell or Julliard exist in my hometown ( Please don’t say, i should have applied in IKJ. My ex was a student there, and i just knew that’s not what i need). So there i went…private associate degree- college. Target ( was mislead anyway) : Three years learning clerical stuff, work for a or two years, earn money, leave for London or Paris or Russia ( countries stated : hint for picturing my dream). I was never think about leaving my parents and bills around them…
This writing is not as important as the headline looks for i don’t give any solution for each confusion. It’s just this word : DECISION is bringing paranoia to me (and luckily, I’m not alone ::annoying smile::). Let’s say for all this “grown-up” time i have to choose whether to leave my job or pursuit my dream ( which is slightly related to my job ) . Every one who knows my life tend to shout at me “LEAVE THE CLASS, PURSUIT YOUR STAGE !!”. Even this invisible friend (who doesn’t know much about me) also frequently encourage me to do so . Kinda burden for me, believe me, i tried, and did apply to professional dance company, but i finally resigned and back to this job…well, Although kids are sometimes annoying, I’m the only one who knows the reason why i choose to become what i am now.
So what am i thinking now…hmm, i have to decide leaving this page or write more…
And cleverly i decide to end this crap ( be happy ! i save your life ! you don’t need to waste your time reading my post under this tag ::another annoying smile::)
p.s At least I’m happy to do my thing not behind the desk in an office where i hold no stock/share/contribution.
To you, confuse lawyer, hope you gotta clue =), Good luck and stay healthy!